Stories Corner

What not to use at Home as a Stepladder!

It’s another sunny day again in the Heart of Portsmouth & the Beautiful Sunshine is pouring through your Living room windows. 

Well, it would do if they were clean!

You are also having the same problem from inside, trying to look out!

You are clearly having trouble seeing the road outside or even your garage through the other window for that matter, even though the Garage is directly in front of the other window.

You go to the front door to see where the sudden fog has come from where you are met with Beautiful sunshine, which confuses you slightly.

“Where is the Fog gone” you utter to yourself.

You scratch your head whilst wandering back into the living room, where you shake your head again & start to wonder where the Garage is gone to!

You move closer to the window until you are near enough to place your hand on the Glass. After placing your whole palm on the glass, you try to pull away again but it is as if the Glass is holding your palm.

You jump back pleased that the Glass has let go of your hand & see the Impression of your hand on the Window pane.

Looking down at the palm of your hand, you say out loud

 “When was the last time I cleaned the windows?” whilst rubbing the sticky stuff down the side of your Designer trousers, which you were lucky enough to get with the holes in.

“Some people cut the holes in them themselves but that is not the same as buying those which already have the holes in” you say to yourself.

Suddenly you have a bright idea; “I could clean the windows now!”

Thoroughly motivated of having the idea to do something that you had never done before, you galvanized into action.

It takes a while before you find the window cleaning kit in the furthest corner of the cellar, amongst the largest cobwebs.

“Now where have I put my stepladder”? 

Suddenly you spot one of those fold together chairs, standing up against the wall. “Don’t need the stepladder now” you say smiling.

 Grabbing the foldup chair, you walk back up the cellar stairs singing “Bring me Sunshine” to start your Todays Home Task!

Walking towards the window where you can’t see the garage you place the foldup in its natural position, so that you can test the strain. Sitting your bum on the chair, you consider yourself gifted, of having such an ample sized Bottom & slide your bottom backwards & forwards convinced  of the Foldup Chairs carrying abilities.

“ If you can withstand that , you say to the chair, you can withstand anything.”  

“ Wonderful” you say out loud & cheerful, to then pop into the Kitchen to fill your bucket with water.

Whilst the Bucket is filling up, you start reading the instructions on the backside of the Bottle. Seeing as you have not cleaned windows for a while, it would be better to know what you are doing.

“They are only windows for heaven’s sake” deciding that you do not need to read the instructions after all. Anyway it is only a bit of cleaning. Anyone can do that! You think.

Big Mistake!

This would be a good time to ask the experts, how to clean windows which have not been cleaned since you moved in 6 years ago & didn’t find necessary to clean then.

Oh well. Off you go into the Living room to see if you can have any success in seeing the garage outside the window.

On reaching the window, you move the foldup chair a little, so it is standing exactly as you need it. Feeling satisfied that the chair will bear your weight; you put your foot on the chair.

“The moment of truth” you murmur, feeling as light as a Feather.

“Hey” thinks the chair, “your bum is all right, but I don’t agree to your foot being there!”

Satisfied that the chair will also bear the weight of your other foot, you lift it up to accompany the first foot.

Now you are standing on the good Old Foldup chair which will never be used as a foldup chair again.

Of course you decided to start at the top window, setting an example to those people less gifted in Intelligence then you are, rubbing your wet cloth left to right & right to left. 

For the information of all, a Foldup chair is just like a Hangman’s Trapdoor when it has taken more than its fair share of the strain,

The floor just disappears beneath you.

Suddenly, you feel a type of tremor & your last thought before the seating part of the Chair beneath you disappears & you land in an untidy heap on the floor is 

“Are the Roadmen busy outside?”

Before your arm hits the floor to end up in an usual position, (in comparison to that which it normally is), you were sure that the Roadmen shouted “ Bums Only!”

This is the problem when you & the Foldup chair are not the same opinion. You thought feet were all right but the chair set a strict boundary of “Bums Only.”

You are an open person who likes to see the people you know well now & again. Today, you will be going to see your Doctor, who will also be pleased to see you & chat with you for a while, as he puts your arm in plaster of Paris! 

Not before putting it back in the right position which caused you, so to speak, great pain!




You are now with the Doctor who is pleased to see you, 

you are also in great pain, 

at home lays a dead Foldup chair, 

(who sadly could not take the strain)

 & a window with a wet smear from the top to the bottom, which is wondering when the rest of it is going to be cleaned.


Oh well, at least you could see the garage a little bit clearer through the smear, when you eventually return from the Doctors.

So, what is the Moral of this Story?

That Foldup Chairs should not be used as Stepladders? or

That when you have a Big Bum you also have a Big Brain?

No, there is no Moral, just the stunning truth that there are still people stupid enough to use Foldups as Stepladders!!!! 


Oh wait, maybe there is a Moral to the story.  Before you grab your Foldup & before you even think about cleaning the windows, 

Call in the Professionals, please.


Prevent Home Accidents, call in the Professionals!